Fic Update: Fission (5/?)

[happydalek]

Title: Fission (5/?)

Author: happydalek
Summary: The Fifth Doctor dies a gruesome death. But no worries, he can regenerate! The problem? Now there are two of him! And that's just the start of his problems in this utterly strange, utterly CRACK!fic.
Characters: Five, Nyssa, Tegan, Ainley Master
Rating: PG-13 (or T, for Teen)
Beta: The voices in my head are critical enough of me as it is!

Blame finals and Christmas for the lack of updates this week! Here's a short continuation...

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

The captain shook his head in amazement as his men exhausted the power supply of a second laser saw on the so-far impervious skin of the TARDIS. When battering the doors failed to produce results, one of his men had attempted to pick the lock, and was now in the sick bay after the blue box unexpectedly electrocuted him. They'd taken hammers and other blunt objects to the windows and rickety wooden exterior, but hadn't left so much as a dent.

"This one's had it, sir," the sergeant commented, dropping the spent saw in disgust. He rubbed at the paint job. "But I think we may have scratched it this time. Wait, no, that was already there. Never mind, sir."

The captain was growing more than a little agitated. The Master would be wanting an update on the search soon, and the captain really didn't want to admit that he and his men were stymied by a wooden crate! Of course, he'd already witnessed one impossibility today, when he saw the Doctor--completely whole--take refuge inside the TARDIS just as he and his men opened fire. It shouldn't have surprised him to find that the Doctor's box was also possessed of some unusual qualities.

"Obviously, we need something more powerful to crack this nut," the captain agreed. "Corporal," he said, watching the fresh-faced young woman snap to attention, "Take a private with you and get us a moon-buster from the armoury."

She raised her eyebrows. "Yes, sir."

The sergeant shook his head.

"You disagree, sergeant?"

"Sir? Well...permission to state the obvious, sir?" the sergeant responded with a hint of irritation.

The captain had a good idea of what was coming, but nodded anyway.

"This thing isn't normal, sir. Laser saws can cut through anything, sir, and they didn't even hurt the paint on this thing. The moon-buster probably won't, either, sir."

The captain held out his radio. "You want to get on the comm and tell that to the Master?"

The sergeant blanched a little. He glanced behind him to the other two guards in the unit, and they both took a step back. The sergeant swallowed self-consciously. "Well, sir, maybe we ought to try the moon-buster just in case."

"Good idea, sergeant," the captain agreed flatly, snapping his radio back into its belt clip. He saw the three guards all visibly relax. He produced his gun and armed it with a confident snap of his wrist. "You're still on alert!" he snapped. The three quickly pulled up their weapons and took up flanking positions around the TARDIS. "After all, look at the size of that thing. He can't stay in there indefinitely."

"Yeah, maybe he'll invite us in for tea," the sergeant quipped under his breath.

o0o

"Could you stop that?!"

"What am I doing, now?"

"You're breathing in my ear!"

"Honestly, Tegan!"

"Well, it tickles!"

"Then where would you like me to breathe?"

"Just not in my ear, or down my neck."

"I wasn't!"

Tegan stopped and carefully dropped to her knees. "I need a break." The Doctor grudgingly let go and sank to the floor of the empty corridor. Truthfully, his arms could use a short reprieve. Tegan rolled her shoulders and sat back against the wall beside him, rubbing her neck. "Anyway, you were, too. And considering how you were eyeing me up back there, I suppose I should be grateful you haven't drooled on me."

The Doctor propped himself up with a start. "The way I WHAT?"

"When I agreed to carry you in the first place. I saw you giving me the once-over. Don't try to deny it."

"What?" The Doctor found himself stunned wordless by the accusation.

Tegan finally turned her haughty eyes on him, and promptly began snickering at him. "You really are too easy, Doctor!"

Ah, she was kidding. For some reason, that realization made the Doctor feel guilty, as though he'd been caught in a lie. "That's not funny, Tegan," he groused.

"Oh, stop it! I'm not being serious."

But her flip tone when she said it bothered him immensely. "Of course. Even if--well, I wouldn't be that boorish about it," he added, deliberately not looking at her.

Tegan chuckled. "I'm well aware of that."

"I beg your pardon?"

Tegan looked at him innocently. "What? I'm agreeing with you."

The Doctor was the first to admit that he wasn't the best at interpreting human subtlty, but the undercurrents in Tegan's voice were pricklingly obvious, and they touched a nerve. "No, you're insinuating."

"So what if I am? It's nothing that you haven't made plain already."

Did she mean that as a defense, or as a complaint? The Doctor hesitated. "How do you mean?"

"Nothing," Tegan's shoulders convulsed in silent mirth, "Casanova."

The Doctor had that uneasy, caught-red-handed feeling again. Tegan got under his skin, true. She challenged his patience and his authority, and the truth was that he had been somewhat glad to have been rid of her pessimistic presence. Since her return, however, he'd developed a certain respect and, yes, some affection for her brash, argumentative ways. He felt the same about all his friends. That was no reason to be embarrassed, was it? Surely, Tegan wasn't that different?

"Can we go to the TARDIS now, or are you not through insulting me, yet?" he asked coolly.

Tegan rolled her eyes and sat up. "My shoulders are still a bit tired, but alright. Up you go, Doctor. Or should I shorten it to 'Doc,' so it fits you better?"

"Hasn't your mouth got tired, yet?" he grumbled, wrapping his arms around her neck once again.

Tegan stood up. "Oh, come on, Doctor! If I really wanted to be mean, I'd have said something like, 'Pull yourself together,' or 'you're half the man you used to be'--"

"Point taken," the Doctor snapped quickly. "Turn left at this next junction."

"Fine! Goodness, Doc, no need to get your knickers in a twist!"

Comments

[happydalek.livejournal.com]

Hee, thanks! What's that they say? Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery? I too lack mad photoshopping skills, so I decided to do as you do. Feel suitably honoured!

[leoniedelt.livejournal.com]

I ganked one of your caps from davison_weekly - i credited you though.

I think this one was yours?

I just cap, crop, despeckle or sharpen as needed, adjust contrast and brightness and possibly hue/sat as needed, bung words on, and resize to 100x100. Thats about all i know how to do, though i can colourise a B&W one...

[happydalek.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that was one of the Last Detective caps. Go ahead and gank away, that's what I post the pics for. I mean, anyone with the DVDs and Windows Media Player can cap this stuff, so it's always seemed slightly odd (but quite nice and polite) when people have asked me permission to take them. Unfortunately, I don't own Pete!

I'm relatively new to LJ, so I'm not completely familiar with some of the procedures. When you say you credited me for the pic, what exactly do you mean? I don't want to commit any LJ etiquette faux-pas in the future!

[leoniedelt.livejournal.com]

Means in my icon list, in the comments section, i just state where i got it from. Some people are savvy enough to be able to put the little LJ user icon in there too, making the person's name clickable, I've not sussed out how to do that yet though.

I wish i owned Pete! lol

[happydalek.livejournal.com]

Oh, never mind, I see what you mean about the credit thing! *slaps forehead* I have this really bad habit of posting redundant questions around here. What software do you use to manip your pics?

[leoniedelt.livejournal.com]

The Gimp - its all i can get for Linux. Its not very 'user friendly' lets put it that way, but i've learned a LOT since i did my machine Linux, about 6 months ago, and basically i've just fiddled til i found something i liked.

[happydalek.livejournal.com]

Linux! How brave! I salute you. That icon, btw, that's from "Death of a Ghost," innit? The end of Part Two, when Petey gets all giggly-drunk? I actually found much of Campion pretty dull (bad fangirl!), but I watch it repeatedly just for that giggly-drunk bit! Heehee!

[leoniedelt.livejournal.com]

6 months of Mandriva 2007, i'm brave i guess. I insist on only open source software from now on, thats for sure. I havent paid for anythin on this pc and i refuse to.

Linux isnt for the faint of heart, thats for sure.

Yep, its Death of a Ghost. Love it :)